Formals, Flowers and Formality.

Almost 2 weeks ago on Rachel's Birthday, Steven threw a suprise birthday part for Rachel. Anthony being the biggest sweetheart that he is woke up at 5:30 that morning so he could come. He later told me that waking up that early was totally worth it so he could see me. :) Wow!  I didn't get to see him last weekend but we did text a little on Friday. 

I had already asked him to go to the Emerald Ball with me and so on Wednesday I called him about it. I let him know what color my dress would be and if he wanted to wear a tie to match he was free to do so. He said that he would cause it sounded to him that it would make me happy. I let him know that him just coming was making me happy. He the told me if wearing a matching tie would bring an extra added measure to my happiness he wants to do that. He sent me a piture of two ties he was thinking about and when I told him that the first one looked great he said "Does it really look good, though, or is it just a shoe-in? I could go uy a tie if this is insufficient. :) " Isn't that adorable? I let him know that there is no need for him to buy a new tie for the occasion and that it really did look great. 

He also asked if he could bring anything and I really couldn't think of anything he could bring. When he arrived we were still getting ready, of course, but as soon as I went out and saw him he held up a corsage that he had bought for me. How sweet was that? I nearly died. He was so thoughtful to think of that. He really cares about making me happy, I don't ever remember being in a relationship where I felt so taken care of. 

I had so much fun with him at the dance, even though we probably only danced to a couple of songs. :) We went on a walk around the school for a good chunk of it. We came back to my place with Bethay and Jacob afterwards and chatted with them for a little bit. They left and I sat and talked with Anthony on my couch for a little bit. He then brought up dating again, we talked about where we are and how whenever he is around me he is so happy. He talked about kicking our relationship up a notch and he asked me how I felt about that. I asked him what he meant  and then we decided that we should probably make our relationship official. Anthony and I are now dating. Title and all. :) We also talked about what that means and how often we will see each other. We are going to try and see each other at least once a week. :) We discussed his school load and how I don't want to keep him from his studies too much and how we are going to have to face the challenge of living an hour away from one another. He said his family really likes me and that they are very supportive of him continuing a relationship with me. 

We sat on my couch cuddling for a while and I was so comfortable with him being there and us talking about our relationship. He mentioned at one point that he felt the spirit as we talked about dating. I felt it too. He also said that it is time for us to maybe have deeper conversations about things in this stage. I am not eally sure what that means, I think he was maybe saying that we need to have conversations about the possible future. Maybe? I guess I will find out. And he said maybe this is a pre-pre engagement stage...haha. Which is probably just dating with the idea that that could happen in the future. Crazy?! I am falling pretty hard for him and I know I have said this before but I think things are going to work out with him. I could see us getting married one day. By the things he talked to me about he also feels the same way. 

Now to be a little immature. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! ANTHONY RICHARDSON IS MY BOYFRIEND! I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER!!!! 

OH, Catch Up!

I have been neglectful in my writing, not for lack of remembering, but more so lack of time and well laziness. I also knew this post would include a lot of events and I am wishing I would have written little by little rather than all at once, but alas I did not. So here we go!

After Anthony and I held hands I felt like he needed to know about me being divorced. I was going to drop Jessica off at the airport and she had the idea that I could go and see him while I was in the area. Here was my conversation with him about it:

Aug. 19, 2015: I was getting so nervous about talking with him about it. I was trying to be extremely prayerful about how to tell him. I was all nerves on the way to the airport. After I dropped Jessica off and I was headed over to his house he sent me the message about dinner. 

Cute huh?!? He is so thoughtful! He was finishing cooking them when I arrived and I sat and chatted with him while he cooked. His niece and nephew came in while we were eating and it was one of them most adorable things to watch him interact with them. He was so patient and sweet with them. He played with his niece, Bethany, under the table. He is going to be a wonderful father one day! He then played me some songs that he wrote when he was younger. It was so comfortable being in his house listening to him play. His parent's house is comfy and cozy, with the right amount of clutter to feel lived in. The home had the spirit dwelling there and I felt like it was a place of refuge from the world.

We then went to Liberty Park and we walked around for quite sometime. I was trying to find the right moment to tell him but we made it one full time around and then we walked inside the middle for a while too before I had the courage to talk with him about it. We were watching the light reflect across the lake and we stopped to watch the sunset for a little bit. We were about to move on and I asked if we could sit down for a bit and I told him that I had a story to tell him. I then told him that I could present this story in one of three ways, I could tell him, read it or we could do a Q&A. I then gave him a little background and let him know some basic facts about it. I let him know that I am divorced and how long I was married and that it ended because of Cameron's pornography addiction. I asked how he would like me to tell him the rest of the story and he was so sweet about it and said that whatever way would be the most comfortable for me about it. I chose to read it to him. I then read him my blog post that I had written on my anniversary. I felt so prompted to write that blog post and I am eternally grateful for that prompting and that I followed that prompting. It was such a blessing from the Lord to have that resource. It was nice so I could have my thoughts and feelings organized and that I didn't miss anything huge. I felt like he needed to know everything. I wanted to keep our communication open so he knew what he was getting himself into. 

He was a very attentive listener and after he put his arm around me and brought me close to his chest and held me. I was crying and I should have brought tissues but I forgot. He told me that it didn't change his opinion of me and that if anything he had a higher opinion of me and the way that I handled the situation I was in. He said that he has never been one to understand why people who go through hard things get labeled as defective. He related it to the Savior and how he was persecuted, abused and killed, and that we don't label him as being any less for the experiences he went through. He also mentioned that he was amazed that he didn't feel any bitterness from me and how remarkable that was. He said that people go through far less and become bitter and angry. I was amazed at his reaction. He was so understanding, gentle and kind. Seriously, he took it so well! One of my favorite things that he did was right after everything that needed to be said had been said, was he told me that he thought we should first roll down that hill (while pointing to a near by hill) and then that we should go and get ice cream. Perfect right! We did just that, we had a competition and I got so dizzy I could barely walk to our agreed upon finish 'line', which was my purse and his sunglasses. He then took me to go and get gelato from Sweately. 

 

I called Erin on my way back home and I told her everything that happened. I cried as I retold the story of how he took it. I am so glad I was able to share that moment with her. :)  

Aug. 27, 2015: He called me again to go to the aquarium with him the next week and then afterwards we went to Jamba Juice. We talked outside of Jamba Juice for almost 2.5 hours. I didn't want to stop talking to him!  Oh, funny side note. We did not hold hands at the aquarium. Haha. Or while we were at the park the week before. But, we did hold hands in his car after the Park and from the car to gelato. I thought it was kind of weird but then I realized we had not really broken the public display of affection barrier yet. I loved sitting and talking with him for so long. When we got back to the aquarium so we could part our separate ways, we continued to talk for another half hour in my car.

Aug. 29, 2015: That Saturday he invited me to go to Lagoon with him and some of his cousins. We had so much fun and I loved his cousins. They are the sweetest boys. There wasn't any trash talking, poor humor or rudeness from them at all. Most of them were pretty painfully shy but I tried to play some games to help them have fun. We played the twenty question game, the pen game, draw the moon and the grocery store game. One of Anthony's cousins told us a riddle/problem to work on and that took a lot of energy for them to figure it out, which no one did. Oh and he did hold my hand at Lagoon which I was wonderful! :) After Lagoon I chatted with Anthony outside his house and then he told me that he wanted to communicate with me about the reason why he has been going pretty slow. He told me a little about his past relationship and how they moved pretty fast and how it ended horribly. He said that he wants to make sure that he is praying about it and doing what the Lord wants. He said that he has prayed about me and that he has felt like he has felt like he has needed to take things pretty slow. He then told me that he likes me a lot and that he doesn't see things always going this slow and that he hopes that things will pick up here soon. He also told me he thinks I am cute. He also said that he has never met a girl like me before and that we just had an instant connection and how amazing it is that we have so many things in common. He also said that he can tell that I have a love for the Lord and that is something that he has always looked for. Someone how loves the Lord more than anything else. Wow! He also said something about how he hopes that this progresses. I really hope it does. I really like him a lot and I am not sure if I have said this before or not but I could see myself marrying him. I know it probably seems premature to say such a thing but it is true. He is everything I am looking for and more! I have never met anyone like him before. I really don't want to lose him but I know that if this doesn't last than the Lord has something better in store, but honestly I don't think it is going to end. I could be completely wrong but I just thought I would spill all the beans right here and now.

Sept. 7, 2015: We had a game night with Rachel and Steven a week ago on Labor day and we played Quelf which was hilarious. We watched a couple of trailers of some movies they were talking about and while we were watching them he put his arm around me. He hasn't done before unless we were taking a picture together. I thought it was kind of a big deal. :)

Sept. 13, 2015: This brings us to today. That was a very condensed catch up session but I think everything major that has happened with Anthony was summed up pretty well. We are going to continue dating but we haven't put a title on it. I think it is just a matter of time. :) I really, really, really like him. ;) And today he sent me this which I almost died over. :)

In other news, I went to the National Parks Concert with my Mom last night and we both LOVED it. We were able to also have them sign two posters for Callie and her Companion Rachel Sorensen (the former Violinist for the band). They were thrilled to see a picture of her and Callie. I sure hope those cute sister missionaries like them! 

M&M's and Shooting Stars

Last Saturday 8/8/15 Anthony and I went on a double date with Bethany and Jacob. We went to the park and while Anthony and I waited for them to show up we went and fed the ducks at the pond. We then ate sandwiches and made spray paint space art. I loved spending time with Anthony! I was feeling hyper sensitive to everything that went wrong on the date though because I was the one who planned it. He was so sweet to reassure me that everything was going great. I felt a little weird at the end of the date even though everything was great, after much thought, talks with Kaeley and prayer, I realized that I need to make sure I am spending quality time with him one on one. It is just a weird in between stage of us going on lots of dates but not necessarily dating. I think it will come and now that I have been able to think about it the date was still amazing and I really am liking him a lot. I mentioned that we were getting a group together to go and watch the meteor shower last night. I wasn't sure if he would be up to going because of how late it would be. He said that he actually should be able to make it.
I texted him about it and he asked if it would be okay if some of his family could come and watch it with us. I told him that it would be just fine. I texted him the next day asking how many people were planning on coming. He didn't respond. The next day I still hadn't heard from him. I was struggling with some anxiety because of the lack of communication. I prayed that first night and I asked my Father in heaven to help me use the atonement to get over those feelings. I was feeling better the next day but I realized that my feelings of anxiety were triggering the crazy emotions that I felt when my ex-husband would stonewall me and when John (Ex-boyfriend) would get so depressed that he wouldn't talk with me for days, sometimes weeks. I had to calm myself down and realize that there was a high chance that Anthony was not trying to hurt me by not responding back. I ended up calling him that night and we talked things out and he told me how crazy busy he had been. He let me know that he would be better at not neglecting my texts and he apologized for not responding. I didn't even have to mention what I was feeling and he was so quick to apologize and to say that he would try harder in the future. I don't think I have ever dated anyone who is so quick to apologize and to fix a problem. I was talking with Bethany about the situation and she told me that a good relationship helps you to rely on the atonement which helps heal past wounds and draws both of you closer to God. Anthony has no idea what has been going on with me emotionally with any of this but by the way he treats me he is drawing me close to the Lord and Anthony is showing me Christ-like love.
The meteor shower was last night and he brought his sister with him. We had a huge turn out of people that came and we headed over to Goshen to watch the Perseids meteor shower in my friend Bri's backyard. It was amazing! Anthony and his sister made me laugh so much and I loved the relationship that he has with his sister. Rachel, Steven and Norah came too. Anthony and I shared a blanket and we gradually were lying next to each other. I rested my hand between us and he did the same. Our hands and arms also became really close and they were touching side by side. He then moved part of his hand on top of mine but not all the way to the point of holding hands. Eventually, he moved his whole hand on mine and we held hands for the first time. Goodness, I am getting butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. I didn't feel like he was feeling pressure at all to do it, it was because he wanted to. I am so glad that our first time holding hands was under the stars watching a meteor shower. It was magical. :)

Now I know...You can never trust a Magic 8 Ball but Shooting Stars are something you can count on! ;)

It is a tradition amidst BYU and BYU-I students that when you hold a boys hand you give your roommates M&M's, when you kiss you buy them ice-cream, make-out Pizza and engagement Steak.
Well, I best be off to the store to buy some M&M's for them! ;)

Dreams

I had a dream last night that Anthony came over to my parents house and we still weren't officially dating but my dad pulled him into his office (in my dream it was 2 houses down, haha). He talked with him for an hour and I was mortified. What on earth could they have been talking about. He came back and he didn't run for his life (which he probably should have). We sat down and he was about to play a dream version of Monopoly.
When I awoke from this dream I was filled with peace and comfort. I don't know why I had this silly dream but for some reason I felt like I needed that re-assurance.

On a more serious note, I went to the temple with Kaeley on Thursday. We went and did sealings. It was beautiful, the family in our group had family names that they were doing. The most memorable name was the wife's grandmother being sealed to her parents. The spirit was strong and I knew that their grandmother had been waiting for that ordinance to be done.

After doing sealings, we went and sat in the celestial room. I prayed about many things and talked with my Father in heaven about Anthony. I felt so much peace and comfort while praying about him. I also had a vision of Anthony playing with our little girl (toddler age) and our baby boy (maybe 9 months old) on the floor. There was love in his eyes for those children. I know that the vision wasn't a promise and that if things with Anthony don't work out I will find another worthy priesthood holder to fulfill that role. But, I can't help but wonder if my relationship with Anthony will reach that point. I need to not think about that right now though. Heavens, we aren't even officially dating, lets not jump the gun here.

I am really looking forward to my date with him tonight and I hope that it goes well! :)

Magic 8 Ball You Lied to Me!!!

Dear Magic 8 Ball,
It was very rude of you to lie to me yesterday and I find your behavior utterly unacceptable. Please make right what you did wrong.
Un-Affectionately,
Caitlin

Tuesday (08/06/15) I went grocery shopping with Bethany and Kaeley. We were at LoLo's when we stumbled across a Magic 8 Ball in the clearance section. It was only $1.50!! Bethany of course bought it and we asked tons of questions and we were convinced it was correct in all of its fortune telling abilities. Bethany and Kaeley asked the ball if Anthony would hold my hand that night and it said "Yes definitely". They were convinced, and I am not going to lie I was a little convinced myself. No pressure right? ;)

Anthony invited me to go and watch The Avengers:Age of Ultron with Steven and Rachel, and Steven's brother, Brian and his girlfriend. I found out from Rachel that he was really cute and freaked out because he got a stain on his shirt right before I showed up. I didn't even notice the stain. :) He showed me how to play Super Smash Bro. but we didn't have a chance to play a game before we left. When Brain and his girlfriend came over I had a harder time talking with him because of the size of the group.
We rode in the back seat of Rachel and Steven's coop car, which Anthony hardly fit into. He laid his hand right next to me and I freaked out a little, and did not make my hand available for him. Silly  right? I do want to hold his hand I just freaked out a little bit. Our hands were super close to touching as we walked to the movie theater but I again I moved my hands to my purse...what was I doing!? Poor guy. I probably gave him some mixed signals because then during the movie I made my hand very available but he didn't make any moves to reach for it. Which honestly is fine, he will hold my hand when he is ready and I hope he doesn't feel pressure to do so. It will be all the more special when he is ready (and when I am ready). Plus, after we hold hands I feel like it will bring up a conversation about our relationship. Maybe dating? But before that happens (dating) he needs to know about my divorce, I know it is only a matter of time. I am really glad he is moving slow, honestly I need that.After the movie let out he asked me if I like it and if I had a good time, and of course my answer was yes. I thanked him for the movie and for inviting me. When we got back from the movie he gave me a hug when I got out of the car and then we chatted with Rachel and Steven for a little bit and then he walked me to my car which was really close to his (maybe 20 feet away from his) and he gave me another hug. He told me that he was excited to go on the date we have planned with Bethany and Jacob this Saturday and then he waved to me as soon as I turned my lights on in my car.

Yesterday I texted him about what type of sandwiches he likes (for Saturday):
Me: Did I mention that I will be  making dinner for us to eat at the park on Saturday? I probably should have if I failed to. ;) If I happen to end up making sandwiches for dinner, what type of lunch meat, cheese and condiments do you prefer? :)
Anthony: Oh wow, you're going all out! (Insert two different smiley faces which look something like this, :o :D ) Well, I think I'd go with turkey meat, cheddar, lettuce, mayo, mustard, onions, and tomatoes. Thanks so much Caitlin! You're very thoughtful! :)
Me: It is no problem Anthony, I am glad you are coming. :) Thanks for the list! That helps a lot! :)
Anthony: Thank YOU! :)
Me: :)

I am not sure if I have stressed this enough, I really REALLY like this guy!

"Frisbee"

Steven and Rachel had another Frisbee night yesterday and I decided to come and 'play' frisbee (talk to Rachel). I wasn't really expecting Anthony to come because he said he had plans for that evening but around noon yesterday he sent me a text that said, "Hey, plans fell through for tonight, so I think I'll try to come join you guys at ultimate Frisbee! It would be fun to see you after all tonight. :)"
I was pretty excited to see him too. Only one other person showed up to play Frisbee, Jacob (Steven and Anthony's cousin, so we ended up just sitting around and talked. I was holding Norah so I couldn't get up and give him a hug when he came but he did pay me some attention. At the end he came and sat by me and he showed me a couple video's of bad lip reading which were pretty funny. When we left he let me know he wanted to give me a hug before I left. I talked with Rachel and Steven about my dates with Anthony and how I was feeling about everything with him. They said that he wants to take things pretty slow because he rushed into his last relationship. Rachel also let me know that he told Steven he is afraid of scaring me off. I am pretty sure he does like me and I am starting to feel more confident in that idea. He really is an amazing guy, he is sweet, kind, gentle, intelligent, strong in the gospel and has high standards in terms of what he chooses to watch. I am so grateful that things are going well. I am okay that he wants to take things slow, the only thing that I would change right now is that I would love to see him just a little bit more. I feel like I am just getting to know him and would love to get to know him better.

Feeling Better Today

I am feeling a lot better emotionally today. I went up to the mountains yesterday and picked wild flowers underneath the aspen trees. The alpine loop is one of my favorite spots to find peace of mind. The view and air was refreshing to my soul.("What are men to rocks and mountains?")

 

I also added Anthony on Facebook yesterday, and he promptly accepted my friend request. I am leaning on the positive experiences I have had with him and not dwell on one tiny event where I freaked out. I just have to have faith that if he wants to date me and if it is the Lord's will than things will work out. All my other experiences with Anthony have been fantastic and it seems to me like he is interested in me, I mean why would things be different now? Right? Right.