Formals, Flowers and Formality.

Almost 2 weeks ago on Rachel's Birthday, Steven threw a suprise birthday part for Rachel. Anthony being the biggest sweetheart that he is woke up at 5:30 that morning so he could come. He later told me that waking up that early was totally worth it so he could see me. :) Wow!  I didn't get to see him last weekend but we did text a little on Friday. 

I had already asked him to go to the Emerald Ball with me and so on Wednesday I called him about it. I let him know what color my dress would be and if he wanted to wear a tie to match he was free to do so. He said that he would cause it sounded to him that it would make me happy. I let him know that him just coming was making me happy. He the told me if wearing a matching tie would bring an extra added measure to my happiness he wants to do that. He sent me a piture of two ties he was thinking about and when I told him that the first one looked great he said "Does it really look good, though, or is it just a shoe-in? I could go uy a tie if this is insufficient. :) " Isn't that adorable? I let him know that there is no need for him to buy a new tie for the occasion and that it really did look great. 

He also asked if he could bring anything and I really couldn't think of anything he could bring. When he arrived we were still getting ready, of course, but as soon as I went out and saw him he held up a corsage that he had bought for me. How sweet was that? I nearly died. He was so thoughtful to think of that. He really cares about making me happy, I don't ever remember being in a relationship where I felt so taken care of. 

I had so much fun with him at the dance, even though we probably only danced to a couple of songs. :) We went on a walk around the school for a good chunk of it. We came back to my place with Bethay and Jacob afterwards and chatted with them for a little bit. They left and I sat and talked with Anthony on my couch for a little bit. He then brought up dating again, we talked about where we are and how whenever he is around me he is so happy. He talked about kicking our relationship up a notch and he asked me how I felt about that. I asked him what he meant  and then we decided that we should probably make our relationship official. Anthony and I are now dating. Title and all. :) We also talked about what that means and how often we will see each other. We are going to try and see each other at least once a week. :) We discussed his school load and how I don't want to keep him from his studies too much and how we are going to have to face the challenge of living an hour away from one another. He said his family really likes me and that they are very supportive of him continuing a relationship with me. 

We sat on my couch cuddling for a while and I was so comfortable with him being there and us talking about our relationship. He mentioned at one point that he felt the spirit as we talked about dating. I felt it too. He also said that it is time for us to maybe have deeper conversations about things in this stage. I am not eally sure what that means, I think he was maybe saying that we need to have conversations about the possible future. Maybe? I guess I will find out. And he said maybe this is a pre-pre engagement stage...haha. Which is probably just dating with the idea that that could happen in the future. Crazy?! I am falling pretty hard for him and I know I have said this before but I think things are going to work out with him. I could see us getting married one day. By the things he talked to me about he also feels the same way. 

Now to be a little immature. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND! ANTHONY RICHARDSON IS MY BOYFRIEND! I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER!!!! 

OH, Catch Up!

I have been neglectful in my writing, not for lack of remembering, but more so lack of time and well laziness. I also knew this post would include a lot of events and I am wishing I would have written little by little rather than all at once, but alas I did not. So here we go!

After Anthony and I held hands I felt like he needed to know about me being divorced. I was going to drop Jessica off at the airport and she had the idea that I could go and see him while I was in the area. Here was my conversation with him about it:

Aug. 19, 2015: I was getting so nervous about talking with him about it. I was trying to be extremely prayerful about how to tell him. I was all nerves on the way to the airport. After I dropped Jessica off and I was headed over to his house he sent me the message about dinner. 

Cute huh?!? He is so thoughtful! He was finishing cooking them when I arrived and I sat and chatted with him while he cooked. His niece and nephew came in while we were eating and it was one of them most adorable things to watch him interact with them. He was so patient and sweet with them. He played with his niece, Bethany, under the table. He is going to be a wonderful father one day! He then played me some songs that he wrote when he was younger. It was so comfortable being in his house listening to him play. His parent's house is comfy and cozy, with the right amount of clutter to feel lived in. The home had the spirit dwelling there and I felt like it was a place of refuge from the world.

We then went to Liberty Park and we walked around for quite sometime. I was trying to find the right moment to tell him but we made it one full time around and then we walked inside the middle for a while too before I had the courage to talk with him about it. We were watching the light reflect across the lake and we stopped to watch the sunset for a little bit. We were about to move on and I asked if we could sit down for a bit and I told him that I had a story to tell him. I then told him that I could present this story in one of three ways, I could tell him, read it or we could do a Q&A. I then gave him a little background and let him know some basic facts about it. I let him know that I am divorced and how long I was married and that it ended because of Cameron's pornography addiction. I asked how he would like me to tell him the rest of the story and he was so sweet about it and said that whatever way would be the most comfortable for me about it. I chose to read it to him. I then read him my blog post that I had written on my anniversary. I felt so prompted to write that blog post and I am eternally grateful for that prompting and that I followed that prompting. It was such a blessing from the Lord to have that resource. It was nice so I could have my thoughts and feelings organized and that I didn't miss anything huge. I felt like he needed to know everything. I wanted to keep our communication open so he knew what he was getting himself into. 

He was a very attentive listener and after he put his arm around me and brought me close to his chest and held me. I was crying and I should have brought tissues but I forgot. He told me that it didn't change his opinion of me and that if anything he had a higher opinion of me and the way that I handled the situation I was in. He said that he has never been one to understand why people who go through hard things get labeled as defective. He related it to the Savior and how he was persecuted, abused and killed, and that we don't label him as being any less for the experiences he went through. He also mentioned that he was amazed that he didn't feel any bitterness from me and how remarkable that was. He said that people go through far less and become bitter and angry. I was amazed at his reaction. He was so understanding, gentle and kind. Seriously, he took it so well! One of my favorite things that he did was right after everything that needed to be said had been said, was he told me that he thought we should first roll down that hill (while pointing to a near by hill) and then that we should go and get ice cream. Perfect right! We did just that, we had a competition and I got so dizzy I could barely walk to our agreed upon finish 'line', which was my purse and his sunglasses. He then took me to go and get gelato from Sweately. 

 

I called Erin on my way back home and I told her everything that happened. I cried as I retold the story of how he took it. I am so glad I was able to share that moment with her. :)  

Aug. 27, 2015: He called me again to go to the aquarium with him the next week and then afterwards we went to Jamba Juice. We talked outside of Jamba Juice for almost 2.5 hours. I didn't want to stop talking to him!  Oh, funny side note. We did not hold hands at the aquarium. Haha. Or while we were at the park the week before. But, we did hold hands in his car after the Park and from the car to gelato. I thought it was kind of weird but then I realized we had not really broken the public display of affection barrier yet. I loved sitting and talking with him for so long. When we got back to the aquarium so we could part our separate ways, we continued to talk for another half hour in my car.

Aug. 29, 2015: That Saturday he invited me to go to Lagoon with him and some of his cousins. We had so much fun and I loved his cousins. They are the sweetest boys. There wasn't any trash talking, poor humor or rudeness from them at all. Most of them were pretty painfully shy but I tried to play some games to help them have fun. We played the twenty question game, the pen game, draw the moon and the grocery store game. One of Anthony's cousins told us a riddle/problem to work on and that took a lot of energy for them to figure it out, which no one did. Oh and he did hold my hand at Lagoon which I was wonderful! :) After Lagoon I chatted with Anthony outside his house and then he told me that he wanted to communicate with me about the reason why he has been going pretty slow. He told me a little about his past relationship and how they moved pretty fast and how it ended horribly. He said that he wants to make sure that he is praying about it and doing what the Lord wants. He said that he has prayed about me and that he has felt like he has felt like he has needed to take things pretty slow. He then told me that he likes me a lot and that he doesn't see things always going this slow and that he hopes that things will pick up here soon. He also told me he thinks I am cute. He also said that he has never met a girl like me before and that we just had an instant connection and how amazing it is that we have so many things in common. He also said that he can tell that I have a love for the Lord and that is something that he has always looked for. Someone how loves the Lord more than anything else. Wow! He also said something about how he hopes that this progresses. I really hope it does. I really like him a lot and I am not sure if I have said this before or not but I could see myself marrying him. I know it probably seems premature to say such a thing but it is true. He is everything I am looking for and more! I have never met anyone like him before. I really don't want to lose him but I know that if this doesn't last than the Lord has something better in store, but honestly I don't think it is going to end. I could be completely wrong but I just thought I would spill all the beans right here and now.

Sept. 7, 2015: We had a game night with Rachel and Steven a week ago on Labor day and we played Quelf which was hilarious. We watched a couple of trailers of some movies they were talking about and while we were watching them he put his arm around me. He hasn't done before unless we were taking a picture together. I thought it was kind of a big deal. :)

Sept. 13, 2015: This brings us to today. That was a very condensed catch up session but I think everything major that has happened with Anthony was summed up pretty well. We are going to continue dating but we haven't put a title on it. I think it is just a matter of time. :) I really, really, really like him. ;) And today he sent me this which I almost died over. :)

In other news, I went to the National Parks Concert with my Mom last night and we both LOVED it. We were able to also have them sign two posters for Callie and her Companion Rachel Sorensen (the former Violinist for the band). They were thrilled to see a picture of her and Callie. I sure hope those cute sister missionaries like them! 

M&M's and Shooting Stars

Last Saturday 8/8/15 Anthony and I went on a double date with Bethany and Jacob. We went to the park and while Anthony and I waited for them to show up we went and fed the ducks at the pond. We then ate sandwiches and made spray paint space art. I loved spending time with Anthony! I was feeling hyper sensitive to everything that went wrong on the date though because I was the one who planned it. He was so sweet to reassure me that everything was going great. I felt a little weird at the end of the date even though everything was great, after much thought, talks with Kaeley and prayer, I realized that I need to make sure I am spending quality time with him one on one. It is just a weird in between stage of us going on lots of dates but not necessarily dating. I think it will come and now that I have been able to think about it the date was still amazing and I really am liking him a lot. I mentioned that we were getting a group together to go and watch the meteor shower last night. I wasn't sure if he would be up to going because of how late it would be. He said that he actually should be able to make it.
I texted him about it and he asked if it would be okay if some of his family could come and watch it with us. I told him that it would be just fine. I texted him the next day asking how many people were planning on coming. He didn't respond. The next day I still hadn't heard from him. I was struggling with some anxiety because of the lack of communication. I prayed that first night and I asked my Father in heaven to help me use the atonement to get over those feelings. I was feeling better the next day but I realized that my feelings of anxiety were triggering the crazy emotions that I felt when my ex-husband would stonewall me and when John (Ex-boyfriend) would get so depressed that he wouldn't talk with me for days, sometimes weeks. I had to calm myself down and realize that there was a high chance that Anthony was not trying to hurt me by not responding back. I ended up calling him that night and we talked things out and he told me how crazy busy he had been. He let me know that he would be better at not neglecting my texts and he apologized for not responding. I didn't even have to mention what I was feeling and he was so quick to apologize and to say that he would try harder in the future. I don't think I have ever dated anyone who is so quick to apologize and to fix a problem. I was talking with Bethany about the situation and she told me that a good relationship helps you to rely on the atonement which helps heal past wounds and draws both of you closer to God. Anthony has no idea what has been going on with me emotionally with any of this but by the way he treats me he is drawing me close to the Lord and Anthony is showing me Christ-like love.
The meteor shower was last night and he brought his sister with him. We had a huge turn out of people that came and we headed over to Goshen to watch the Perseids meteor shower in my friend Bri's backyard. It was amazing! Anthony and his sister made me laugh so much and I loved the relationship that he has with his sister. Rachel, Steven and Norah came too. Anthony and I shared a blanket and we gradually were lying next to each other. I rested my hand between us and he did the same. Our hands and arms also became really close and they were touching side by side. He then moved part of his hand on top of mine but not all the way to the point of holding hands. Eventually, he moved his whole hand on mine and we held hands for the first time. Goodness, I am getting butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. I didn't feel like he was feeling pressure at all to do it, it was because he wanted to. I am so glad that our first time holding hands was under the stars watching a meteor shower. It was magical. :)

Now I know...You can never trust a Magic 8 Ball but Shooting Stars are something you can count on! ;)

It is a tradition amidst BYU and BYU-I students that when you hold a boys hand you give your roommates M&M's, when you kiss you buy them ice-cream, make-out Pizza and engagement Steak.
Well, I best be off to the store to buy some M&M's for them! ;)

Dreams

I had a dream last night that Anthony came over to my parents house and we still weren't officially dating but my dad pulled him into his office (in my dream it was 2 houses down, haha). He talked with him for an hour and I was mortified. What on earth could they have been talking about. He came back and he didn't run for his life (which he probably should have). We sat down and he was about to play a dream version of Monopoly.
When I awoke from this dream I was filled with peace and comfort. I don't know why I had this silly dream but for some reason I felt like I needed that re-assurance.

On a more serious note, I went to the temple with Kaeley on Thursday. We went and did sealings. It was beautiful, the family in our group had family names that they were doing. The most memorable name was the wife's grandmother being sealed to her parents. The spirit was strong and I knew that their grandmother had been waiting for that ordinance to be done.

After doing sealings, we went and sat in the celestial room. I prayed about many things and talked with my Father in heaven about Anthony. I felt so much peace and comfort while praying about him. I also had a vision of Anthony playing with our little girl (toddler age) and our baby boy (maybe 9 months old) on the floor. There was love in his eyes for those children. I know that the vision wasn't a promise and that if things with Anthony don't work out I will find another worthy priesthood holder to fulfill that role. But, I can't help but wonder if my relationship with Anthony will reach that point. I need to not think about that right now though. Heavens, we aren't even officially dating, lets not jump the gun here.

I am really looking forward to my date with him tonight and I hope that it goes well! :)

Magic 8 Ball You Lied to Me!!!

Dear Magic 8 Ball,
It was very rude of you to lie to me yesterday and I find your behavior utterly unacceptable. Please make right what you did wrong.
Un-Affectionately,
Caitlin

Tuesday (08/06/15) I went grocery shopping with Bethany and Kaeley. We were at LoLo's when we stumbled across a Magic 8 Ball in the clearance section. It was only $1.50!! Bethany of course bought it and we asked tons of questions and we were convinced it was correct in all of its fortune telling abilities. Bethany and Kaeley asked the ball if Anthony would hold my hand that night and it said "Yes definitely". They were convinced, and I am not going to lie I was a little convinced myself. No pressure right? ;)

Anthony invited me to go and watch The Avengers:Age of Ultron with Steven and Rachel, and Steven's brother, Brian and his girlfriend. I found out from Rachel that he was really cute and freaked out because he got a stain on his shirt right before I showed up. I didn't even notice the stain. :) He showed me how to play Super Smash Bro. but we didn't have a chance to play a game before we left. When Brain and his girlfriend came over I had a harder time talking with him because of the size of the group.
We rode in the back seat of Rachel and Steven's coop car, which Anthony hardly fit into. He laid his hand right next to me and I freaked out a little, and did not make my hand available for him. Silly  right? I do want to hold his hand I just freaked out a little bit. Our hands were super close to touching as we walked to the movie theater but I again I moved my hands to my purse...what was I doing!? Poor guy. I probably gave him some mixed signals because then during the movie I made my hand very available but he didn't make any moves to reach for it. Which honestly is fine, he will hold my hand when he is ready and I hope he doesn't feel pressure to do so. It will be all the more special when he is ready (and when I am ready). Plus, after we hold hands I feel like it will bring up a conversation about our relationship. Maybe dating? But before that happens (dating) he needs to know about my divorce, I know it is only a matter of time. I am really glad he is moving slow, honestly I need that.After the movie let out he asked me if I like it and if I had a good time, and of course my answer was yes. I thanked him for the movie and for inviting me. When we got back from the movie he gave me a hug when I got out of the car and then we chatted with Rachel and Steven for a little bit and then he walked me to my car which was really close to his (maybe 20 feet away from his) and he gave me another hug. He told me that he was excited to go on the date we have planned with Bethany and Jacob this Saturday and then he waved to me as soon as I turned my lights on in my car.

Yesterday I texted him about what type of sandwiches he likes (for Saturday):
Me: Did I mention that I will be  making dinner for us to eat at the park on Saturday? I probably should have if I failed to. ;) If I happen to end up making sandwiches for dinner, what type of lunch meat, cheese and condiments do you prefer? :)
Anthony: Oh wow, you're going all out! (Insert two different smiley faces which look something like this, :o :D ) Well, I think I'd go with turkey meat, cheddar, lettuce, mayo, mustard, onions, and tomatoes. Thanks so much Caitlin! You're very thoughtful! :)
Me: It is no problem Anthony, I am glad you are coming. :) Thanks for the list! That helps a lot! :)
Anthony: Thank YOU! :)
Me: :)

I am not sure if I have stressed this enough, I really REALLY like this guy!

"Frisbee"

Steven and Rachel had another Frisbee night yesterday and I decided to come and 'play' frisbee (talk to Rachel). I wasn't really expecting Anthony to come because he said he had plans for that evening but around noon yesterday he sent me a text that said, "Hey, plans fell through for tonight, so I think I'll try to come join you guys at ultimate Frisbee! It would be fun to see you after all tonight. :)"
I was pretty excited to see him too. Only one other person showed up to play Frisbee, Jacob (Steven and Anthony's cousin, so we ended up just sitting around and talked. I was holding Norah so I couldn't get up and give him a hug when he came but he did pay me some attention. At the end he came and sat by me and he showed me a couple video's of bad lip reading which were pretty funny. When we left he let me know he wanted to give me a hug before I left. I talked with Rachel and Steven about my dates with Anthony and how I was feeling about everything with him. They said that he wants to take things pretty slow because he rushed into his last relationship. Rachel also let me know that he told Steven he is afraid of scaring me off. I am pretty sure he does like me and I am starting to feel more confident in that idea. He really is an amazing guy, he is sweet, kind, gentle, intelligent, strong in the gospel and has high standards in terms of what he chooses to watch. I am so grateful that things are going well. I am okay that he wants to take things slow, the only thing that I would change right now is that I would love to see him just a little bit more. I feel like I am just getting to know him and would love to get to know him better.

Feeling Better Today

I am feeling a lot better emotionally today. I went up to the mountains yesterday and picked wild flowers underneath the aspen trees. The alpine loop is one of my favorite spots to find peace of mind. The view and air was refreshing to my soul.("What are men to rocks and mountains?")

 

I also added Anthony on Facebook yesterday, and he promptly accepted my friend request. I am leaning on the positive experiences I have had with him and not dwell on one tiny event where I freaked out. I just have to have faith that if he wants to date me and if it is the Lord's will than things will work out. All my other experiences with Anthony have been fantastic and it seems to me like he is interested in me, I mean why would things be different now? Right? Right.

...Dealing with Issues

Kelli came over last night, we went to go and get Tiramisu and chatted about what I was feeling. Long story short, I think I was dealing with more than just Anthony, who lets be honest was really sweet to me on the phone. His 'rejection' triggered emotions that I felt when my ex-husband would make promises to me and then break them. I had a flood of emotions that made me want to run away from the situation. I recently found a lot of pictures of my wedding day and pictures of my ex-husband and I together. I too often forget I will have to deal with the effects of the abuse I suffered for the rest of my life. I normally function really well considering what I have gone through but unexpected things like this can trigger emotions and memories to come flooding back in. I talked with Kelli and she suggested that I might benefit from seeing a therapist. She is probably right. UVU offers services to students for only $10.00 a session. I am going to call today to make an appointment. I feel a little crazy right now, emotionally. Luckily, this only happens every once in a while but I could use some help dealing with my emotions right now.

Two More Weeks

I called Anthony and I let him know that Bethany and Jacob wouldn't be able do the double date until next Saturday but if he wanted to still do something than I would be free to do something with him on Thursday. He said that he had already made plans for Thursday. I felt so awkward, and I didn't know what to say after that. I honestly didn't think that was going to happen since he said that he could reschedule for as early as Thursday. I kind of just wanted to hang up and cry. It is probably nothing but I got my hopes up to see him this week and then they were crushed. He didn't give an explanation to why he was busy that night. I didn't handle the whole situation very gracefully and tried to end the conversation very quickly. I said that I would let him go because I should let him get back to whatever he was doing, to which he replied that he didn't have anything going on at that moment and he didn't mind chatting. We chatted for about ten minutes longer and then I told him I had to finish making dinner. I felt like I was so awkward the whole time, and was very much distant on the phone. I hope he didn't pick up on it too much. He even mentioned that he was looking forward to seeing me on our next date. And right now you are probably like, Caitlin, what in the world is wrong? I don't really know. What I do know is that I want to cry, and eat chocolate (which I don't have cause I only bought fruits and veggies at the store today). I have been fighting a headache all day long and have felt extremely tired, I feel anxious and hurt. Why? Maybe I am dealing with anxiety or depression. I shouldn't be upset at his reaction. He wanted to continue talking to me. Why did I freak out then? Why did it feel like rejection, when it wasn't? Why do my emotions have to take over my rational thoughts? This is dumb. I am sure I will feel better about it all tomorrow. Really, I will. I just need to cry a little. Which is certainly happening at this very minute.

Post on Postponement

Postponement on the double date with Bethany and Jacob.
Anthony texted me yesterday: Hey, for our plans for next week, would Saturday evening work? I realized, in my eagerness to make it work, that I'd probably not be getting home from a trip to Bear Lake until later that day...:/ Would that work? Or if not, could we do it as early as Thursday? Sorry if my fo-pah causes you great inconvenience...8/
I called him and he was extremely apologetic about what had happened. I asked him if it would be better if we rescheduled and he said honestly, yes. I let him know that we would have to reschedule for the following week because Bethany works in the evenings during the week. I told him that we would make it work though. I wasn't angry or upset at him, more just disappointed. Not disappointed with him, just sad that I wouldn't probably see him for another two weeks. We chatted for another 15 minutes or so and I told him I would let him know what the plan was soon.
I chatted with Bethany about it and she confirmed that we would have to wait a week. I decided that when I talk with him again that I will suggest if he wants to do something Thursday still I would be up for it. Scary! I just have to get my nerve up to suggest it. I am going to wait until tomorrow to call him about it. Wish me luck!

I gave a talk in Sacrament meeting today on finding everlasting peace and building eternal families (from a general conference talk from Oct. 2014, L. Tom Perry). I was nervous but the Lord helped guide me through the holy ghost to know what I needed to say. The spirit was there in the meeting so I hope that those who were listening were taught through the Holy Ghost. Families are the center of God's plan and young single adults need to realize that we need to uphold the doctrine found in the Proclamation to the World on the Family.

Antman with Ant-h-ony

Tuesday night (06/21/15) I met up with Anthony, Rachel, Steven and their friend to watch Antman at the theater. When I arrived Rachel said "Caitlin, you look so pretty!"
Anthony:"She stole my line."
Okay, wasn't that the charming?
Anthony paid for my ticket, which was incredibly sweet of him. We sat by each other and he was pretty fidgety through the entire movie. We still haven't held hands and I think he is trying to work up the courage to hold my hand. Maybe I am completely wrong but from what I could gather from his body language he was thinking about it. He would cross his arms, then quickly unfold them, putting one hand down on his leg by me and after a few seconds would clasp his hands together. He did this multiple times.
I really enjoyed the movie and I especially enjoyed watching it with him. After the movie he asked what time I had to be back to my parents, he was going to invite me go and do something after the movie. I unfortunately had to hurry back home so I couldn't do anything else with them that night.
Here was my text to him later that evening: Bonsoir, Anthony! Thanks so much for the movie tonight! I really enjoyed watching it with you. I hope your day goes better tomorrow and that your coworkers hormones aren't as crazy. ;) (His one coworker is very pregnant and apparently has been insane lately with random outbursts of anger, she has been throwing things in the office, luckily not directed at Anthony.)
And his replied: Thanks. :) And I really enjoyed having you there! Thanks for coming. :) Have a great night, Caitlin!

I am seriously falling for this boy pretty hard.

That night while I was driving to my parents house I was able to admire the vibrant sunset illuminating the sky. Callie was set apart as a missionary and was given a beautiful blessing. That girl is going to be so different when she returns. I am glad I was able to spend the night and be with her for the last little bit before we took her to the MTC yesterday. We had a sleepover in the big yellow room downstairs on the king size bed. I have started becoming a lot closer to her the last couple years and am going to miss her dearly. She is one of my best friends. I wouldn't want to lose her for the next year and a half for anything less than a mission. I am so proud of her decision to serve the Lord and spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. Grant came to watch her be set apart, I hope his heart is starting to soften and that he will come back to the gospel. I pray that Callie's mission will bring an outpouring of blessings to our family and that it will bring us closer together.

Dropping Callie off was harder than I expected yesterday. I choked up as I told her how proud I was of her. We shed tears and we said goodbye to her. A lot can happen in 18 months. Erin and Ryan could have a baby by then, Grant and Emily could too (or get married, or maybe both?!), I could get married, I will have graduated with my Bachelor's degree, living who knows where, Grandma could pass away (hopefully not though!), etc.  Callie has always been there for all holidays and events, it will be a weird

Christmas with just Mom, Dad and Grant there this year.

Change, Change and more change. I often think of the quote from Beth in Little Women when she asks "Why does everyone want to go away? I love being home. But I don't like being left behind..." Part of me knows that things can not stay the way they are, and we need change to grow and learn, but I will always miss the times before everyone moved away. I am grateful for the memories of my childhood/adolescent years of growing up with my wonderful family, they are truly a blessing in my life.

This Boy Though.

Well, so far this blog is turning out to be almost completely focused on Anthony. Can you blame me though? ;)

(07/16/15) He ended up not coming down to play games with us before Frisbee last Thursday, but we met him over at the park early. I made S'more Bars for Rachel, Steven and Anthony and we sat around and munched on those while we chatted. The boys devoured them! He gave me a side hug when I first saw him and he apologized for not making it over early enough to play games and told me we would have to reschedule a game night with them. I was a little shy around everyone but I don't think he minded too much. When everyone else arrived to play, I thankfully stayed and talked with Rachel while holding her adorable baby. He at first didn't go down to play, and I told him that he could go and play Frisbee. He said he felt bad for leaving us up on the top of the hill all alone, to which I replied, don't you worry, Rachel and I could talk for hours, plus there is a baby, we are good. He laughed and finally went down to play. He looked up at us quite a few times while he was playing.

Rachel told me that he talked with them about me and said he really enjoyed talking with me and that he really likes me. Hooray! She also said it was his idea to have a game night and that he wanted to spend more time with me. It was so wonderful to sit and chat with her and her beautiful baby was a treat to hold. Well, she did spit up on me three times, 2 of those were projectile vomit like spit up. Poor girl, she wasn't feeling very well. It didn't bother me at all, honestly. It is practically just milk right?

After they finished playing Frisbee, Anthony came up and chatted with us for a little bit. He was about to leave and it looked like he was hesitating to get up, especially after I wasn't also getting up. He said said a few times that he was looking forward to our date tomorrow and I told him I was too. He then started to leave and told me that he would have given me a hug but he was really sweaty from running around so much. I jumped up and told him that I didn't mind, plus I was covered in spit up so fair is fair. He laughed and we awkwardly hugged each other in front of everyone. I guess I was nervous and so was he. I am so glad he invited me though!

The next day (06/18/15), my Mom let me know that she had extra tickets to the concert, so it turned out that I didn't have to pick them up from a random stranger. I went to his house and left my car at his place. I heard about his Senior project that he is currently working on and he asked me about school and work. I feel inferior speaking around him, not because he is demeaning or anything, he is just really good at articulating his thoughts but I, however, stumble and talk in circles when telling him my stories and input. I have a really hard time telling people my feelings, hopes and dreams without feeling foolish or passive. Regardless of my own flaws with language, I really enjoy talking with him. He is gentle, kind, thoughtful, considerate and very intelligent. I really love his company.

He took me to Kneaders and then went to the concert. We ran into my old roommate Lauren and her Fiance. As soon as we got inside, he needed to run and use the restroom before the concert started. I checked my phone and Bethany and Jacob had just seen Lauren right after us and they wanted to meet up with us after the concert. Anthony was up for it and we walked around temple square while we waited to meet up with them. Before I get ahead of myself though, he did not hold my hand during the concert, which was actually totally fine with me. He did lean against my arm and leaned into it. He also had his leg touch mine while we were sitting there and I could tell he was a little more fidgety with his hands. I kept my hand available for a lot of the evening and maybe it was just me but I think he wanted to hold my hand but didn't.

We met up with Bethany and Jacob and we were on our way to find ice cream when we ran into Bethany's aunt, Mary Summerhayes and her husband. She told Anthony and I that we looked like each other and that we matched....a little awkward when we aren't really officially dating, but it was sweet of them nonetheless. We then found out that all the food places at City Creek had closed at 10. Brilliant Bethany decided that we should instead post-pone getting ice-cream and we rescheduled to get ice-cream with them on a double date in two weeks. Anthony seemed to be all for it. :)

We got slightly lost on our back to his car but I didn't mind at all because that just meant more time with him. As we were trying to find his car he thanked me for coming and that he felt like he didn't do very much for the date. I thanked him back and let him know that the only thing I really did was get the tickets and drive to his place. He had the initial idea for the date, took me to dinner and he drove around Salt Lake. He told me that I was just being sweet about it...and then hugged me from the side. We finally found his car and when we got back to his house we chatted outside for another 10-15 minutes while petting one of his cats. We hugged and as I drove off he held his cat and had it wave goodbye.

He also said that Steven and Rachel were going to see Ant Man on Tuesday evening and that he would love it if I came. I wasn't sure what we were doing with my sister Callie that evening (she is leaving to go to the MTC on Wednesday!) but I would let him know. After chatting with Callie about it I will be just fine to go to the movie and still be there on time to see Callie be set-apart as a missionary later that evening.

Things are going really well and I hope they continue to progress and flourish. I really like him and I keep having the feeling that this could actually go somewhere. I am trying not to think that far in advance but what can I say? He is amazing. I had a dream on Thursday night where I was with Anthony in a small courtyard in an apartment complex. We entered into our new home which was a joint apartment with his sister. I had a new born baby girl in my arms and felt so incredibly happy. I knew I was married to Anthony and that the baby was ours. In my dream he was a wonderful loving father and husband. I know it that it might not mean anything and that it could have just been the effects of the Slurpee I bought with Rachel. But, there is a small hope that the dream could be real one day. It seemed so real and powerful but it is probably too early on to even think of such things. I can't wait to be a wife and a mother one day and to be married to a man who honors his priesthood and loves me with all of his heart. I am hopeful that the life I crave is coming soon. I have never been career driven because I have always wanted to be a mom. It is part of my divine nature to want and hope for marriage and a family. I know the Lord is preparing me for those roles and that he will not deny me any of my righteous desires.

Blessings

Sweet and proactive Jessica found Anthony and me tickets for the Pioneer Day Concert with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. We wanted to go and I first thought that maybe Jess would have some extra tickets hanging around (she usually gets them just in case). Unfortunately, should already gave them away but she decided to look on KSL for me and found someone who had extra tickets. Anthony and I were just going to go in the stand-by line but thank you to Jessica (and the Lord) we are now able to go in without any problems. Hooray! 

Plus I bought a new dress from Mikarose yesterday that I am way excited to wear on our date. The dress was on clearance and when they were ringing me up for the already discounted dress, I noticed a small tear in the waist band. They told me that they would take off an additional 25% off of the dress. So I was able to snag this dress for around $20 instead of the original price of $55. Another blessing? I think so. 

Anthony is such a gentleman. He made sure I knew that as soon as I drove to his house that he would drive the rest of the way and that he would be taking me out to a nice restaurant. Can this guy get any better?I can't wait to see him tonight and tomorrow. :)  

More to Come...

Anthony called me last Saturday to ask me out on another date for Friday (although, he said he forgot to check his schedule before asking me out for the weekend...so maybe it will be the following weekend instead?). He also invited me to a game night on Thursday night with our friends who set us up. We are playing games just the four (I mean five, they just had a baby!), and then a group of people are getting together to play Ultimate Frisbee after we play games. I am looking forward to spending more time with him, but my nerves are starting to get to me about a group activity. I am much better at one on one interactions with people and large groups kind of stress me out. I hope he doesn't mistaken my lack of talking for a disinterest in him, I just get shy around a lot of people. It should be a good way though to see how he interacts with other people. I guess we will see. :)

I also dyed part of my hair blue, much to my mother's dismay. It blends in pretty well and so it is hard to even notice that it is there...next time I will be going a little more bold with how bright it is...which will involve bleaching out part of it. Overall though, I am very happy with my decision. It has been on my bucket list to dye my hair blue ever since I watched Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants in High School. I was always slightly envious of Tibby's blue streaked hair.

Texting --Second Date

Anthony and I went out on another date a little over a week ago. I was worried that he wasn't ever going to call again, like he said he would. I texted Rachel and asked her if it would be weird if I texted him, honestly I wanted to tell him how much I was loving reading Mistborn.

Me: Random question for you, is it weird if I text Anthony? I haven't heard anything from him since our date...which is fine...but would texting him be too much? Rachel sometimes I am bad at this dating game and social rules and such. I was just going to text him about a book we were discussing that I am almost done reading, but should I just wait and be patient? Or maybe he changed his mind about seeing me again..I don't know...Should I? Shouldn't I? (Okay, this sounds like a freak out text message..I am really not freaking out as much as it probably sounds. Haha. ;) )

Rachel: Hahaha--I TOTALLY understand what you mean!!!!!!! I have had this same sort of thing happen to me a thousand times. Steven and I have talked to him and he reacted really positively--he said he would go out with you again. I think if you wanna text him about that book, you should! Steven thinks it wouldn't be to your downfall at all :)

So, naturally I waited a day to text him. I felt a lot better after she told me that he would go out with me again, so I didn't feel as weird texting him.

Me: Anthony! I am almost done with Well of Ascension and I can't put it down. :) These are some of the best books I have ever read! I can't wait to see what will happen in the Hero of Ages. Seriously, I am not sure how anyone ever gets anything done while reading Brandon Sanderson.

Anthony: Caitlin! You've beaten me to the punch, much to my chagrin- I was planning on calling you this very day after work to see if you wanted to go out again next weekend. :) What think ye? And I'm so glad you're liking it! Sanderson books are, you might say, volatile in that way-so good, it almost hurts to do anything else until you're through with them ;p

Me: I think that would be a glorious idea. :) I am so sorry for the anguish I caused from beating you. ;) I just got really excited about the 2nd book and was eager to share with someone who has read it and understands the pain. :)

Anthony: Haha that I do.

After this I didn't hear back from him for four days. I was honestly annoyed at his lack of communication. I didn't understand why he would tell me that he would call and then didn't. After reading the text again, I figured he probably would have assumed the text was in place of the phone call.  I had to work extremely hard on not being to judgmental on why he hadn't contacted me. I  am trying to work on watching for patterns rather than one experience of concern.

Anthony: Caitlin! I'm very sorry that it hasn't been until now that I've contacted you about the plan for this weekend - I got a little under the weather last weekend, and then I had a bunch of duties to take care of yesterday and the day before...Anyway, sorry for the delay! So, the first question for you is - does Friday night work for you? :) ...Or has my unfortunate delays made it too late for that day? :(

Me: No worries! :) I am sorry to hear that you weren't doing well, I hope you are feeling better. :) Friday night works great for me. :)

Thursday

Anthony: Delays, delays, nothing but delays! I'm so sorry that I'm running so far behind again! So...I'm usually a huge humbug when it comes to seeing movies on dates, since movies preclude talking -and thus the whole point of a date - but I might need to make an exception and take you to see a superb new movie that I thought had an incredible message to share - if you're good for it, that is. :) Have you seen Inside Out yet? There IS a correct answer here ;) And then we would go out for a bite and conclude properly with much conversation :) What think ye?

Me: It is all good. :) I have not seen it yet. :) I would most certainly be up for seeing it with you tomorrow, especially if it comes with such a great recommendation. ;) What time are you thinking? :)

Anthony: When do you get off tomorrow?

Me: I get off at 3. :)

Anthony: Okay so there's a showing at 4:00, and there's one at 5:00, both at University Mall. Perhaps we could plan on the 4:00, and use the 5:00 as a contingency plan, in case traffic is bad? Does that sound good?

Me: That sounds perfect! :) Have a wonderful evening. I will see you tomorrow. :)

Anthony: Great! I'm looking forward to it!

He then clarified later that he would pick me up at 3:15. I prayed to my Father in heaven to let me not let any frustration about the times of lapses in communication. I need to be aware of looking to see how it works out in the future but now is not the time to have it be a deal breaker. I also prayed that I would be able to act authentically and that I would be able to act like myself on the date. Often, I become too nervous on a date that I either become insanely shy or I force saying things for fear of a break in conversation. I was able to calm down before the date and I felt like I would be able to give him a real chance by the time he picked me up.

(06/26/15) He came a couple minutes late but because I knew that he might hit traffic I wasn't too worried. I sat in the living room with Kaeley, playing with my Rubik's Cube. I could tell I was still nervous because I kept forgetting the algorithms.  When he came he asked if he could wash his hands, I looked down to find his poor hands covered in blood. He sadly told me that he got a bloody nose on his way to pick me up. Poor guy. After that it was pretty smooth sailing. We went and saw the movie, which turned out to be fantastic. Then we went to dinner at Panda Express. He told me stories from his mission and we talked about the recent court ruling of Gay Marriage. I had a wonderful time with him and all of the lack of communication didn't seem to matter anymore.

The most awkward part of the date was when he dropped me off.  We went up to my door at my apartment and I told him that I don't normally like movie dates but that this was an exception. I thanked him for dinner and the movie, we hugged goodbye and then I started to try and find my keys in my purse. No, this was not on purpose, and I was not trying to mimic the movie Hitch. ;) My purse is not organized, at all. They of course were buried at the bottom underneath all of the 'useful' things I keep with me on a daily basis. He turned back and realized I was still looking for my keys and in a very gentleman manner let me know that he should make sure I have them so I wouldn't be left stranded. I then told him that I carry way too much stuff with me and sometimes I carry a Rubik's Cube with me just in case I get bored sometimes. (Face Palm...What in the world was I even saying?..Oh dear!) He laughed..and then I luckily managed to touch my keys quickly. He left and I made a quick trip to the restroom. I then received a text message from him. It had only been a few minutes...that was strange.

Anthony: Hey, Random question: there's a black and white cat walking around out here with a collar, but no tag. You wouldn't happen to know who it belongs to, would you...?

Oh, he was still outside. I hurried and finished going to the bathroom and walked out in back to where he had parked. There is a lovely grassy area near the parking lot and that is where I saw him chilling on the grass with a darling cat cuddled up next to him. I told him I didn't know who the cat belonged to but that I often had seen him around before. He then proceeded to get up and to start heading back to his car, and he said something like, just thought I would check, sorry to bother you...To which I awkwardly replied while twisting my foot back and forth and throwing a hand up in the air that it "was okay, cause well, I like spending time with you, Anthony." To which he replied that he does too....Spending time with me..not himself...err...to which I laughed and told him I knew what he meant. He then said that we should continue doing things together. We then said goodbye, again. Could I have been anymore awkward about it? Seriously, I should write a book, "How to Survive as an Awkward Teenager..Adult".

7 Year Anniversary

Today is my 7 year anniversary!

Seven years ago today, I accompanied my soon-to-be husband in his car as we drove off to the Manti Temple. We chatted and laughed as we nervously made our way to our favorite temple. I was 19 years old and was so optimistic about what the future held for me. When we arrived at the temple and I hurried off with my mother so I could change into my wedding dress. A little later, I found myself kneeling across the alter with my sweetheart where we made covenants with the Lord and were officially legally married.

I was an innocent bright-eyed girl who was so excited to start this strange and exiting chapter in my life.

About a month after our wedding day, I found my husband in the bathroom with our laptop. He claimed to be installing anti-pornography software onto our computer and was just 'testing' to make sure it worked... This was the first of many stories my husband used to cover up his addiction to pornography. I knew he had previously had problems with pornography in his teenage years but to my knowledge those were in the past. Being a young bride, I did not realize how powerful of an addiction pornography was. This first discovery of his pornography use was devastating and led to a very rude awakening of how serious his problem was.

I soon became overly worried and anxious every time I was away from him for fear of him viewing pornography when I was gone.   I spiraled quickly into depression, anxiety, and low-self esteem with every new discovery of his internet browsing history. I didn't understand why he felt the need to watch pornography and I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. We tried filters and blocks on our computer to help him get over his addiction..although he said that it wasn't an addiction and often wouldn't even admit to looking at it. There was always a way for him to find pornography however, even with all the precautions we set up. I could only do so much to help him with this addiction, it had to be his choice I would later realize, he had to be the one to want to change.

My husbands pornography addiction also lead to him being both emotionally and verbally abusive. His view of women and marriage were extremely skewed and twisted which is a common affect of pornography. Everything was always my fault and I took the blame for most of our arguments. I figured it would be better to just take the blame than to continue arguing and fighting. Often he would leave and all I could do was cry on the floor not understanding why I was feeling the way I was.
I had learned as a young women that marriage was hard and that as you work through your problems, you would continue to grow closer as a couple. I remember sobbing on the floor of our apartment after one of our many arguments, thinking that I knew marriage wasn't easy but I didn't think that it would be this hard. I planned on going to school shortly after I got married but those dreams were put on hold for a couple years. I mentioned going back to school so I could work on receiving my Bachelors degree. My husband told me that he didn't think I could handle college and that it wouldn't be worth it for me to go to school again. I finally decided that regardless if he wanted me to attend college I was do it without his approval. When I told him that it was important for me to get a degree and that I decided I was going to enroll in classes at the local university he told me that I could go ahead and do that but he wouldn't support me in that. I enrolled in 16 credits and got a 3.99 GPA my first semester.

I finally decided to talk about what was going on with some of my family members. I cried in the parking lot of a church as I told them everything that had been happening. They told me that they saw the way he treated me and that they were concerned. They were not surprised by his addiction to pornography and strongly encouraged me to reach out for help from my church leaders. I was apprehensive to talk with my husband about feeling emotionally abused and that I strongly felt like he needed to get help for his pornography addiction. Previously, I had tried to talk to him about these matters which only resulted in him becoming defensive and angry.  I worried that after our conversation with our Bishop that he would harm me or himself.  I needed to make sure I had an emergency plan. I grabbed a change of clothes, my cello, his gun and the kitchen knives and gave them to my mom just in case.

Thankfully, things didn't escalate to the point of physical violence but things did get bad enough that I had my relief society president drive me to my parents that evening to let things cool off.  He told me he was more hurt that I felt the need to take the gun and knife away from him for fear of him injuring someone. I felt like after that I was stepping on broken glass waiting to make a wrong move with any step I would take. We didn't resolve much after that discussion and eventually things just blew over for a while, never really addressing the concerns I had.

We moved in with my parents a few months later and we still didn't have any solid resources for our marital problems. I decided to talk with my new Bishop to see if there was help that we could recieve. He let me know that we could receive marriage concealing through the church. I set up the appointment and we went. I learned a lot on how I could handle the arguments that arose and how I could say things in a less confrontational way as we discussed our issues. I also learned how to stand up for myself when he would place unnecessary blame on me. We had sessions where it was split between the two of us, meeting separately with the councilor. During one of the private sessions, I was validated by the councilor that I was being emotionally and verbally abused and that my husband had a deep addiction to pornography. I was thankful for this validation to help me recognize that these problems we were facing were no normal (not to say that I am in anyway perfect at being a wife). We would make a little progress here and there but my husband would quickly spiral down from any progress that had been made. At one point he told me that he watched something pornographic that day because he knew it would hurt me when I looked at his internet history. I believe that pornography had turned the man I married into a bitter, dark, hurtful and angry person, his whole countenance lacked light. My Bishop was there every step of the way in this process and we even started meeting with the Stake President. The Stake President gave my husband a list of things he needed to do as he worked on his addiction to pornography, one of those being going to group meetings. I watched my husband work towards some of the less difficult tasks but would quickly give become complacent in the things he was asked to do.

After watching my husband digress quickly after each meeting or counseling sessions, I started to become discouraged.  I made an appointment to meet with my Bishop alone, I told him that I couldn't handle this any longer and that I was going to discuss my decision to get a divorce. My amazing Bishop let me know that he was not unable to tell someone if they should or shouldn't get a divorce, but he advised that I wait two weeks to make a final decision. I told him I wasn't sure if I could but with faith I said I would go home and pray about it. I knew that I wanted to do everything I could to save my marriage before making the decision to get a divorce. My husband and I had made covenants with the Lord and we were sealed for time and all eternity in His house. If our marriage was to end, I wanted to make sure that I had done everything I could to still keep my covenants with the Lord. I went home and as I sob. I received direct revelation from the Lord that I could not make it on my own and that I needed to rely on my Savior to make it through. I felt like a burden lifted off of my back when I received that revelation. I knew that the Lord would help me through anything and that I could and can do anything through Him. I also felt very strongly that the Lord wanted to give my husband as many chances to change as possible before letting our marriage end. Through the Lord's help, those two weeks turned into a few months.

After quite a few months, I finally felt like it was time to give an ultimatum to my husband. I let him know that there were a couple of things that needed to start happening in order for this marriage to work. He needed to go to group meetings for his pornography addiction, he needed to be following everything that the Stake President told him to do, and that he needed to start treating me better. He told me that he would be willing to do those things, but only if I would be willing to admit that I had failed him. At first, I told him that was not a fair thing to say, of course I was not perfect and had made mistakes but failing someone is such a strong thing to say. He just repeated that he wanted me to say that I had failed him. The spirit bore witness to my soul that I had not failed him and that I had done everything I could do to save our marriage. After receiving such a strong impression, I felt okay telling him no, I had not failed him. I told him no, I had not failed him. He said "Alright, then I will pack up my things tomorrow and leave" to which I replied "Okay". I was not sure if he was going to follow through with it but in my heart I knew he was serious and he was going to leave. I was heartbroken. I did not want to be around when he picked up his stuff the next day and I really didn't care what he decided to take. I went to lunch with my mom and my sister, followed by going to see the new Spiderman movie, which turned out to be was a nice distraction. When I came home, I saw that he had already been by to pick up his things.

A week later, I made a hard decision and filed for divorce. I went over to his parents house and took a short walk with him and let him know that I would be filing soon for a divorce. He did not fight me on this, which was also heartbreaking. That was the last time I talked to him. A little over four-years of marriage and he didn't even try to fight for us to stay together. It ended with a few pieces of paper with our signatures.

I have chosen to not be very open about my experiences about being divorced. I have not wanted to be judged, labeled and gossiped about.  I also didn't want unnecessary hatred or angry directed towards my Ex-husband. I honestly hope the best for him and I know that the greatest hope for success will be him coming to work through his problems without me.  He is still a wonderful person, with many note worthy characteristics and most importantly he is a son of God. I hope he has chosen to get help for his addiction and works with a councilor to help him overcome the years of being an addict. I also hope he understands that through the Savior's atonement all of the scars and wounds can be healed. He can have his sins washed away and that he can be clean and pure once more. I have seen the atonement work in my life to make up for the pain I experienced and the hurt I felt. I have felt my Saviors hand in helping me forgive my Ex-husband for the things he did to me. I know that God listened to me those nights that I sobbed from the affects of my spouses addiction to pornography. He was there when I didn't feel like I could take it any longer and he gave me strength when I needed him to lift me up and carry me.

I know it sounds cliche but I would not change these experiences if I was asked to do it over again, I am who I am today because of the things I went through. I know that this is a fairly negative post, but it wasn't all completely miserable, I loved my husband, we have had many wonderful and beautiful experiences together. Pornography, however, killed that love. I have become a stronger, more empathetic person because of my experiences and I know that the Lord will and has already started to make up for any of my loss, heartache, and pain that I have had. I know that marriage can last and that one day I will find someone who I will be able to go back to the temple of the Lord and be sealed to them for time and all eternity as long as I stay true and faithful to the commandments of the Lord.

Blind Dates

Most people quiver and shake at the mere thought of being set up on blind dates. I am not one of those people. Granted, I do not have a ton of experience when it comes to going on blind dates. There have only been a handful of times that I have been subjected to such things.  What is most exciting to me about blind dates is getting to know someone that I most likely would never naturally go on a date with. It is a perfect proving ground to explore other potential possibilities of the opposite gender. Not all of my blind dates have gone stellar but I still think they are worth exploring. 

Two blind dates ago, was definitely not a success, and not even just by a little, it was a complete and utter disaster. Unfortunately, the guy I was set up on a date with by my sweet well-meaning co-worker turned out to be a tool. Now, I am not one to be so harsh and calling someone such a term as this, so is a big deal for me. His current life goal is to model his looks after Thor. Sadly for him, he acted more like Iron man without the brains. Sorry, was that too harsh? I will spare going into the gruesome details of the date but let me just say that my co-worker told me shortly after that her and her husband were mortified with the way he treated me.  

"For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things..."(2 Nephi 2:11)

How would I agree to being set up on another blind date ever again after this? It was the worst date I have EVER been on. I figured that if I was set up again by someone else, it probably couldn't be worse than the Thor date. When my super pregnant friend asked me if I would be up to being set up on a date with her husbands first cousin once removed, I figured I didn't have much to lose. After all, my best friend met her soon to be husband on a blind date. I agreed that I would be up for it, but honestly didn't know what to expect. 

He called the next week (6/2/15) and left a very charming voicemail on my phone. He said that my friend, Rachel, told him that I would be a person well worth getting to know and considering how he takes her and her husbands advise very highly, he figured it must mean something special. Well, that got my attention, he sounded perfectly sweet on the phone. We went on a hiking date up Battle Creek Canyon (6/5/15) to see the waterfall there and after hiking we went to dinner at The Purple Turtle. This guy is incredible, he is smart, funny, attractive, spiritual and much more. I would have to say that I am quite smitten with all his charm. I was trying so hard to be brave wen he dropped me off at the door when I told him that if he ever wanted to do something again to let me know. Much to my surprise, he told me that this definitely calls for a second date. Oh yeah, and we took a picture together (his idea) at the base of the waterfall. 

Penelope Bird

Anne Shirley would most certainly approve of such a person as Penelope Bird. She is first of all not real but a figment of wonderful dreams, explorer of hearts, bursting with a fierce ambition to do good in the world. She would hopefully give acclaim of such a person. 

This blog is nothing more than the subtleties of life that a single mid-twenty something or other traverses through. One would hope that there will be many a great things happening in the next couple years to record. So, without further ado, Welcome to The Quiet Corner of Penelope Bird.