Two More Weeks

I called Anthony and I let him know that Bethany and Jacob wouldn't be able do the double date until next Saturday but if he wanted to still do something than I would be free to do something with him on Thursday. He said that he had already made plans for Thursday. I felt so awkward, and I didn't know what to say after that. I honestly didn't think that was going to happen since he said that he could reschedule for as early as Thursday. I kind of just wanted to hang up and cry. It is probably nothing but I got my hopes up to see him this week and then they were crushed. He didn't give an explanation to why he was busy that night. I didn't handle the whole situation very gracefully and tried to end the conversation very quickly. I said that I would let him go because I should let him get back to whatever he was doing, to which he replied that he didn't have anything going on at that moment and he didn't mind chatting. We chatted for about ten minutes longer and then I told him I had to finish making dinner. I felt like I was so awkward the whole time, and was very much distant on the phone. I hope he didn't pick up on it too much. He even mentioned that he was looking forward to seeing me on our next date. And right now you are probably like, Caitlin, what in the world is wrong? I don't really know. What I do know is that I want to cry, and eat chocolate (which I don't have cause I only bought fruits and veggies at the store today). I have been fighting a headache all day long and have felt extremely tired, I feel anxious and hurt. Why? Maybe I am dealing with anxiety or depression. I shouldn't be upset at his reaction. He wanted to continue talking to me. Why did I freak out then? Why did it feel like rejection, when it wasn't? Why do my emotions have to take over my rational thoughts? This is dumb. I am sure I will feel better about it all tomorrow. Really, I will. I just need to cry a little. Which is certainly happening at this very minute.